"As a nurse midwife in a hospital, we know babies are slippery.  After delivering the baby, the doctor dropped it into the bucket.  

Fortunately, it wasn't harmed.  Then, he dropped it a second time, and again, the baby was unharmed.  And what was the doctor's quick remark to the parents?  "Sometimes we have to drop them twice to get them to cry."

Patient :  These tablets have a very funny effect on my bowels.
Surgeon :  What are they?
Patient :  Ferocious sulphate.

Doctor :  Are you on HRT?
Patient :  No, income support.

Overheard in a busy clinic as a receptionist spoke to an obviously hard-of-hearing client:
"No Mrs Smith, not the HEARSE, I'm sending the NURSE!"

I worked in surgery for almost 15 years, and we had a cardiac surgeon that was a "good ol' boy" (well, we are in Fort Worth!).  
After the surgery was over he would always tell us:  "The patient will be okay if he does just fine"

A GU consultant from north Wales tells me that while passing through a frantic ENT clinic, he overheard this curious bit of conversation:
Senior surgeon (angrily) :  For heavens sake, nurse, get me my auriscope!
Distracted young nurse :  But doctor, I don't even knew your star sign.

One night, when I was working as an RN at a trauma center in Chicago, a young male was brought in after being shot by an off-duty police officer during an attempted robbery.  The man did suffer from multiple gun shot wounds, but would eventually make a complete recovery.  His sister came in about an hour after the patient arrived, and when informed that her brother was shot during the commission of the robbery, remarked to me (and I swear this is true!)  "They shot him for that?  He's robbed people before and they never shot him.  Why did they shoot him this time?"

A former radiologist from Northern Ireland tells that years ago, kitted up in leaden apron and gloves, he was conducting a radiographic examination of a woman's abdomen.

Finding that her clothing was causing some opacity on the fluorescent screen, he remarked:  "Would you pull down your knickers, please?"

The patient did nothing so he repeated the request.  He then heard her say: "I'm so sorry, doctor.  I thought you were talking to the nurse.