Infidelity - Signs

Signs

Popular belief is that a cheating partner always leaves signs inadvertently, that the vigilant partner is quick to detect. Fact is that most spouses report being devastated after the sudden knowledge of their partner's cheating that has been going on for several years. There isn't one sure way to identify infidelity and some spouses reportedly banked upon their intuition that led them to detect their partner's affair.

Based on several surveys, Anne Bercht, author of the best selling book, "My Husband's Affairs Became the Best Thing that Happened to Me," has compiled a list of giveaway signs in a spouse, of an ongoing affair.

• Most spouses who had been cheated reported that the first tell tale sign of infidelity is when a partner is emotionally withdrawn, moody or depressed and appears more self-absorbed and vague
• 70% of those who participated in a survey on infidelity in the US said the unfaithful spouse was angry, impatient, aggressive, abusive and sometimes even cruel
• When the straying partner kicks up a row over the issue of control and complains that he/she feels trapped, claustrophobic and complains of feeling monitored even if the other asks a casual question about his/her whereabouts
• Noticeably increased time supposedly at office, business trips, working out of town are signs of a spouse leaning towards another relationship
• 50% of spouses who took part in a study in the US have admitted they succumbed to the temptation of another fatal attraction during a partner's illness or prolonged absence
• Paying too much importance to their physical appearance such as extra makeup, a new wardrobe, excessive obsession with workouts are signs of a parallel relationship cropping up in a marriage
• Sudden bursts of energy and zest for life has often proved that a person has an extra love-life the signs of which just cannot be contained

• Becoming overly defensive when questioned about whereabouts was another sign that was often observed in an unfaithful partner
• Another sign of infidelity is a sudden open and flirtatious behavior with the opposite sex and repeatedly emphasizing that a particular new association was "just a friend", even when no one's asking
• Obsessive need for privacy, staying up late to work on the computer, hiding phone bills and credit card statements are also reported as signs of infidelity

The signs of infidelity listed above are only pointers to an extramarital affair as gathered from studies in the US. A spouse may display all of these symptoms and yet may not be involved in an affair. Concurrently there have been cases where unfaithful spouses have displayed the exact opposite of all of the above signs and carried on an illicit relationship for years.

References:

When Your Lover Is a Liar - Susan Forward (HarperCollins)

Infidelity: A Survival Guide - Don David Lusterman (New Harbinger Publications, 1998)

Infidelity on the Internet: Virtual Relationships and Real Betrayal -Maheu Marlene M. & Subotnik, Rona B. (Naperville, IL: Sourcebooks, Inc. 2001)

Private lies: the betrayal of infidelity - Pittman, Frank (NY. W. W. Norton, 1989)

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