Submitted By: | Current Rating: 1 
Did you hear about the two blood corpuscles named Romeo and Juliet? They loved in vein.
Did you know diarrhea is hereditary? It runs in your genes. What do brown eyes and brown diarrhea have in common? They both run in your genes. ...
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Three old men are sitting on the porch of a retirement home. The first says, "Fellas, I got real problems. I'm seventy years old. Every morning at seven o'clock I get up and I try to urinate. All day long I try to urinate. They give me all kinds of medicine but nothing helps." The second old man says, "You think you have problems. I'm eighty years old. Every morning at 8:00 I get up and try to move my bowels. I try all day long. They give me all kinds of stuff but nothing helps." Finally the third old man speaks up, "Fellas: I'm ninety years old. Every morning at 7:00 sharp I urinate. Every morning at 8:00 I move my bowels. Every morning at 9:00 sharp I wake up."...
Submitted By: | Current Rating: 1
My grandfather always says "If you're ill, go to the doctor after all, he's got to live.
If he prescribes some medicine, then go to the chemist after all, he's got to live.
But as soon as you get back home, throw everything away because, after all, you've got to live, too."...
Submitted By: | Current Rating: 1
A man went to the doctor complaining of insomnia.
The doctor gave him a thorough examination, found absolutely
nothing physically wrong with him, and then told him,
"Listen, if you ever expect to cure your insomnia, you just
have to stop taking your troubles to bed with you."
"I know" said the man, "but I can't. My wife refuses to
sleep alone."...
Submitted By: | Current Rating: 7.7 
This old lady walks into the Doctor's office and says,
"Doctor, please help me. I have a terrible problem with
farting. It's not really a social problem, because you can't
smell it or hear it, but I must have farted 20 times since
talking to you." The Doctor nods his head and says, "Take
this bottle of pills and use them all. When they are all
gone in about 2 weeks, come back to see me." The old lady
comes back 2 weeks later and is angry. She says "What was in
those pills? I fart just as much. You still can't hear
them, but now they smell horrible!" The Doctor again nods
his head and says, "Great, that takes care of your sinus
problem, now let's work on your hearing."...
Submitted By: | Current Rating: 5.5 
The man told his doctor that he wasn't able to do all the
things around the house that he used to do. When the
examination was complete, he said, "Now, Doc, I can take it.
Tell me in plain English what is wrong with me?"
"Well, in plain English," the doctor replied, "you're just
lazy."
"Okay," said the man. "Now give me the medical term so I can
tell my wife."
...
Submitted By: | Current Rating: 2.5 
A guy goes to the doctor and the doctor tells him, "I have
some very bad news for you. I'm afraid that you're afflicted
with a fatal and incurable disease."
So the guy asks, "Well isn't there ANYTHING I can do, doc?"
"Hmmm.... maybe you should go to a spa and start taking
daily mud baths." The doctor tells the patient.
"Mud baths? Will that help me, doc?"
"Probably not . . . but at least you'll get used to being
covered in dirt!"
...
Submitted By: | Current Rating: 5.5
Old Dr. Carver still made house calls. One afternoon he was
called to the Tuttle house. Mrs. Tuttle was in terrible pain.
The doctor came out of the bedroom a minute after he'd gone
in and asked Mr. Tuttle, "Do you have a hammer?"
A puzzled Mr. Tuttle went to the garage, and returned with a
hammer.
The doctor thanked him and went back into the bedroom. A
moment later, he came out and asked, "Do you have a chisel?"
Mr. Tuttle complied with the request.
In the next ten minutes, Dr. Carver asked for and received a
pair of pliers a screwdriver and a hacksaw. The last request
got to Mr. Tuttle. He asked, "What are you doing to my wife?"
"Not a thing," replied old doc Carver. "I can't get my
instrument bag open."
...
Submitted By: | Current Rating: 1
A doctor and a lawyer were talking at a party. Their conversation was constantly interrupted by people describing their ailments and asking the doctor for free medical advice. After an hour of this, the exasperated doctor asked the lawyer, "What do you do to stop people from asking you for legal advice when you're out of the office?"
"I give it to them," replied the lawyer, "and then I send them a bill."
The doctor was shocked, but agreed to give it a try. The next day, still feeling slightly guilty, the doctor prepared the bills. When he went to place them in his mailbox, he found a bill from the lawyer....
Submitted By: | Current Rating: 1
Teacher: How can you prevent diseases caused by biting insects?
Suzie: Don't bite any!...
Friendship: a building contract you sign with laughter and break with tears
View allFunny tit bits from everywhere. You're sure to laugh your brains out...
View allThe best of gooers from the future medical men, these are contributions from first year medical studens...
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